Well, the new semester of college has begun and I’m stressed out to the MAX! I am still working both jobs - one full-time and one on part-time relief status, and my courses have begun at the University. I’m taking three classes, one of which has a lab along with it. The class which includes a lab is one of the most challenging for my major and the other two have a lot of reading, papers, quizzes and exams as well.
I hope I have not bitten off more than I can chew. One good thing is that a lot of the work I need to accomplish can be done online, via “Blackboard” and “Webct,” so I can putter around here in my office doing some school work unbeknownst to my boss! lol He’s also out at a training for the rest of this week! WOOHOO!
Anyway, I apologize for my lack of posts the last couple weeks and for the remainder of the semester in advance.
Things are going okay with bf right now, but I have to divulge an incident that happened Friday night, much to my embarrassment: We were driving home from the town where he works and I began to tell him a story about someone I knew years ago near his house; this was way back when I was married. Bf accused me of lying because he said he knows everyone who has ever lived in that neighborhood! Instead of just hearing my story - it was a funny anecdote, I thought - he started yelling and getting in my face while I was driving! So I put up my arm to block his advances and push him back into his seat and he pushed back saying that I punched him, then proceeded to continue yelling, name-calling, and getting in my face…. so I pulled the car over, and… I punched him in the face. :( I’d never hit anyone, even in self-defense, in my life. I felt awful for having done it, but it actually made him stop hollering and he remained on his side of the car the rest of the drive. I didn’t speak to him until Sunday evening. Instead I focused on my studies. When I saw him Sunday he said he thought I broke his nose, but he was okay. I hate that this happened. I really wish we could communicate in a HEALTHY way, but it seems like things just get worse when we try to talk. He doesn’t like to talk. He likes to yell. I love him, though, and I know that his issues aren’t his fault (or mine, I do realize), but I don’t know how to get to a point where we can just be adults with each other instead of screaming two-year-olds having temper tantrums.
I’m not breaking up with him; just so you know. I know a lot of you are reading this, and without the emotional investment, you think I should just kick him to the curb. However, that’s not going to happen. I adore bf, despite his faults and I know he feels the same about me.
I’ll post more as time permits. Meanwhile, peace.
you guys need to look in each others eyes for once and apologize to one another then a hug after.
trust me, it’ll work.
good luck
lol. gosh u better curb ur violence eh? aniwae how old are u and whr u studying? thanks for commenting babe. stay sweet with yr boy.
Good to know you are still out there. You sound very busy.
I feel compelled to comment about your relationship with your boyfriend, however, sounds likd you are very aware of what you are dealing with.
It is my wish that you both find peace with each other. You are both in a toxic relationship right now, you need to find a way to replace the anger and yellling with love and understanding.
Oh, webct, I know thee well…
But yes, I do think you need to get rid of this asshole. I mean, read that story back to yourself? Is that what you want out of life? It just reeks of abuse, and it doesn’t seem to be “making you a better person,” but instead a violent person. Do you really want that?
By letting yourself lower your impulse control to physical or verbal abuse you might be heading in a direction you don’t want to end up in.
On the other hand: that punch might have been just the wake-up call he needed.
Apologize (the both of you) and then kiss and make up. Try to lay the foundation for a better communication by eliminating destructive ways: promise each other that physical or verbal abuse ends here.
Love shouldn’t be an excuse for everything - it feels to me that this kind of love is diminishing you both. Take care.
You must be very busy. Just wanted you to know that you are missed.
HAHA, yesss a punch!! O: )
i feel like punching a couple of assholes right now.
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i hope you know what you’re dealing with. have you tried asking him why doesn’t he listens to you? or ask him where has his sense of humour gone (if he had any in the first place)?
let him know that you seriously appreciate civilized behaviour.
try mentioning that you’re very hurt with his seemingly constant behaviour. if he loves you enough, as much as you like to think he does, he would make an obvious effort to change.
otherwise, stop bitching about how hurt you are by his behaviour. give yourself more self-respect.
Arth- Thank you; it does help, although temporarily. He may have bipolar so he snaps in and out of his “moods.”
Loveeelyy- Psychology is my major; I’m in my 30s.
Mark- still waiting for your email on how to discuss his possible illness and how to get him to be properly diagnosed by someone so we can “detoxify.”
Notoriousv- I know you think I should leave him, but he needs someone to stick by him and I love him. I do what I have to do to get through these things.
Voff!- I think you’re right! I believe it woke him up considerably. Since this episode, he’s at least been careful how far he takes his mood toward me. He knows I’m not a pushover now!
Oscarandre- I agree, love should never be an excuse for our behavior. However, love does often control how easily we forgive.
bodicea- He seems to have lost his sense of humor after he split with the mother of his children. Not seeing them regularly hardened him in a lot of ways. He also appears to have rapid, often irrational, mood swings indicative of a disorder (in that he does not abuse drugs or alcohol). As for quitting my bitching? Well, isn’t that why I have this blog and isn’t that why I keep it anonymous? This is my only outlet for “bitching” so that I don’t explode from bottling things up. I want advice on how to solve the issues and much of what you say and what others say actually help, so thank you.
Either you’re very busy or you hated my last comment
eh…? ok. this was (something like) my last comment:
Sure, you can bitch about your life all you want in your blog…just that, I thought you might want more self-respect than the way he had been treating you.
Again, I’m very attached to Logic ^_^”